{"id":1598,"date":"2025-05-06T12:20:20","date_gmt":"2025-05-06T11:20:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogdiario.info\/magazine\/?p=1598"},"modified":"2025-05-06T12:20:21","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T11:20:21","slug":"habemus-papam-con-il-timbro-del-partito","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogdiario.info\/magazine\/2025\/05\/06\/habemus-papam-con-il-timbro-del-partito\/","title":{"rendered":"Habemus Papam\u2026 con il timbro del Partito!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Cari fedeli cattolici d\u2019Italia,<\/strong> mettetevi comodi, incrociate le dita e lasciate per un attimo il rosario: perch\u00e9 oggi vi porto una santa ipotesi cos\u00ec assurda, che solo a pensarla ci vuole un\u2019indulgenza plenaria preventiva. E se \u2014 udite udite \u2014 fosse il Partito Comunista Cinese, s\u00ec proprio il PPCh di Pechino, a scegliere il prossimo Papa?

Ecco come potrebbe andare:<\/strong>
Appena morto il Santo Padre (pace all\u2019anima sua e al suo Twitter), i cardinali si ritrovano in conclave. Ma sorpresa: alla Cappella Sistina arriva un furgone diplomatico con su scritto \u201cVaticano United Front Office \u2013 Beijing Branch\u201d. Ne scendono tre commissari in giacca rossa e spilletta con Mao, pronti a \u201ccollaborare fraternamente\u201d alla scelta del nuovo Vicario di Cristo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fumata rossa? Sempre.<\/strong>
Ogni volta che i cardinali provano a votare liberamente, parte l\u2019allarme e i cinesi attivano il firewall: \u201cContenuti non autorizzati dal Comitato\u201d. Le fumate bianche sono vietate per motivi ambientali (emissioni non sostenibili). Quindi si passa al voto elettronico con WeChat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Il Papa? Un gesuita trilingue con passaporto diplomatico cinese.<\/strong>
Nome pontificale: Papa Xi I (si pronuncia \u201cSc\u00ec Primo\u201d). Messa tridentina abolita in favore del Tai Chi liturgico, e il Confucianesimo diventa materia obbligatoria al catechismo. I miracoli devono prima passare dalla Commissione per l\u2019Armonia Spirituale, sottosezione del Ministero per gli Affari Religiosi e Miracolosi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Il nuovo motto papale?<\/strong>
\u201cPace, prosperit\u00e0 e controllo.\u201d
Sulla tiara, al posto della colomba dello Spirito Santo, ci sta un bel drago dorato che lancia nuvole di incenso al gelsomino.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

E la benedizione Urbi et Orbi?<\/strong>
Registrata in anticipo e approvata dal Politburo. Nessun \u201cDio vi benedica\u201d senza che Xi Jinping dia l\u2019ok via Zoom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cari cattolici d\u2019Italia,
non preoccupatevi troppo: \u00e8 solo un\u2019esercitazione satirica. Ma, in caso succedesse davvero, ricordatevi: c\u2019\u00e8 sempre Lourdes. O al limite Sanremo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a92025 \u201cCarta e inchiostro\u201d All Rights Reserved<\/strong><\/small>
Copyright \u00a9 2025 BlogDiario.info – Edited in Italian by Guzzo Photos & Graphic Publications<\/small><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cari cattolici d\u2019Italia,
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